Thursday, September 10, 2015

Response to Why I Left The Church Is Also Why I'm Going Back

A friend on Facebook posted this. Spoiler: The woman who had to go through a "grueling" repentance process, who felt unbearably uncomfortable and unworthy in church and therefore left ended up being diagnosed with a severe panic disorder, anxiety, and a hormone imbalance. But instead of focusing on that--how the problem wasn't her spirituality and how she wasn't doing anything wrong--instead she makes the moral that she needed to rely on god and not think that she could do it all herself. She flippantly glosses over the psychiatric help she got.

I know I shouldn't expect more from a site called LDS Living, and I probably should have just scrolled past the post and not read it, but this aggravated me. Mainly this was because my own psychiatric issues are what made church unbearable and miserable for me and to hear someone who had similar issues not make the connection that they, not her "sin," were what was making church hard and that it was completely understandable to stop going to church because of it is so ridiculous to me. I feel for her so much, and I wish that church teachings didn't have the habit of influencing members to always blame themselves when they are not happy at church. She had health issues. They take the sacrament to people who can't come to church because of health issues--there is some understanding that sometimes it's not possible to get to church. But apparently if the problems are not obvious/invisible/mental, they don't count?

Also, I found the initial dramatic buildup to the confession that she had been inactive for the past year so sad. Why does it have to have so much stigma? Why does it have to be so scary to confess that? Why aren't members less judgmental and more sympathetic?

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I don't want to believe in a god

I don't want to believe in a god who would give us brains and then ask us to disregard logical conclusions because he wants to test our faith with illogical commandments.

I don't want to believe in a god who would allow us the capability to think but then tell us that his thoughts are higher than ours and that there are some things that we just can't understand--because he made us that way.

I don't want to believe in a god who infantilizes me and wants me to behave with child-like unquestioning of authority.

I don't want to believe in a god who ignores his wife and tells us nothing about her in favor of patriarchal "protection."

I don't want to believe in a god who is a self-proclaimed "jealous god."

I don't want to believe in a god who would only give men governing authority.

I don't want to believe in a god who is male, chose a savior who is male, appoints only males to the priesthood, and then expects me to feel represented and content as a woman.

I don't want to believe in a god who sends cryptic messages through his spirit that defy logic and precedent (e.g. telling Nephi to kill Laban even though murder is obviously a sin).

I don't want to believe in a god who wants me to depend completely on him instead of depending on myself.

I don't want to believe in a god who lets his servants say horrible, damaging things under the guise of authority without apologizing or allowing themselves to be corrected.