Don't mess with me.

This post is especially angsty, so consider this a warning.

At our ward's last fast and testimony meeting, several people mentioned the "fact" that God sends us our trials.  This can somehow be construed as comforting (see the last post on how everything being "controlled" by God is both deceptively comforting and false [in my opinion]).  When you get down to it though, what kind of a god would be so cruel?  If he is real, he helps us see the benefit that trials can bring, but he doesn't send them to us.

When people in sacrament said that God sends trials and will take them away when we learn enough, I felt anger and the thought that came to my mind was, **language alert**

Everything happens for a reason

I do not believe that “everything happens for a reason” in the sense that some things are caused to happen for a specific outcome; I believe that you can find meaning in anything that happens, but that meaning is a result of the occurrence, not the other way around.  (This topic reminds me of Justin Bieber's controversial faux pas when talking about abortion:

"I really don't believe in abortion," Bieber says. "It's like killing a baby." How about in cases of rape? "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that.")

I think it can, on the surface, seem rather comforting to think that everything is controlled and meant to happen—but that seems rather too much like determinism to me.  True, you could say that not everything is controlled and that just some things are.  However, I don’t think things are controlled to the degree that some people think they are.

The main point: I think that instead of changing the circumstances, God does something better and helps us change our perspective of the circumstances.  He may have the power to change the circumstances, but he doesn’t do this as often as people think he does.

I bring this up because of the number of times I have heard people bear testimony of how God changed a situation for them, but when you think about it the amount of things he would have to change, and the degree to which he would have to mess with people’s agency is astounding.

For example, a brother told a story about how, late at night, his car was breaking down.  He could make it to a gas station up the street, but only if all of the lights remained green; if he had to stop, the car would break down.  He said a prayer, and all of the lights remained green.  My reaction is that, since it was late at night, it was luck that the lights turned green.  God touched his heart so that he could be grateful for this luck.  If he had encountered a red light and his car didn’t break down, he would have praised God for this miracle and would have testified that God doesn’t always answer our prayers but does what is best for us in the end.  If his car had broken down, he would have praised God for something that would have come out of it: maybe a car would have stopped and the driver would have helped him, and somehow the church came up and he was able to share the gospel with him or her.  He would have testified that it was meant to be that his car broke down.  What I’m saying is that no matter what happened, he would have credited God with making it turn out the best way possible.

Another example: A sister told of how a day devoted to traveling to Hawaii was full of delayed flights and inconveniences which caused her family to arrive in the evening when the were supposed to arrive in the afternoon.  As she was walking down to the beach, the thought came in her head that maybe all of those inconveniences happened so that she could meet someone.  Sure enough, a guy came walking along the beach, they started talking (including about religion), and he became a great friend of her family’s.  Now he’s going to an LDS church in Hawaii!  It was meant to be!

The problem: How did God cause the flight delays?  Did he cause people to make mistakes so that they would slow down? Wouldn’t that interfere with their agency?  Why would he convenience all of those other passengers just for the benefit of one man?  Of course, you could say that someone’s eternal salvation is much more important than a flight being on time.  But think of how much the delay could have affected the other passengers: they could have been involved in a car accident that they wouldn’t have if they had arrived earlier, a father on his death bed they were traveling to see could have passed away before they were able to get there, etc. I ask why that one man was more important than all of those other passengers?

This sister was blessed to be able to find a positive outcome from her inconveniences, but that doesn’t mean that those inconveniences happened for that positive outcome.

I usually don’t like the “you are less than dust” rhetoric, but why am I so important that God would rearrange a snowstorm for me?  Why would I be blessed with safe travel just because people are praying for me when other people could run into dangerous road conditions because of that delayed snowstorm?

I guess you could answer that God works in mysterious ways and that we don't understand everything with our limited mortal scope.  But in this case, I think it's a little bit of a cop-out answer.

It's not irony

I do see the...irony...of me being a very feminine woman who enjoys crafts, wearing skirts and dresses, is studying to be a teacher, and who wants to be a stay-at-home mom and also being a hard-core feminist who wants women to have the priesthood.  But really, it isn't irony.  Feminists don't have to be masculine, man-hating bitter women, although that seems to be what some people picture.  Maybe I don't want a career to be my main focus in life, but I will fight for other women who do want that.  Feminism is about having the choice to do what you want and not be looked down on for doing it.

I was in a play at BYU about the female experience at the school, and I and the director got along great because we both had the same unorthodox ideas about women in the church (I did get along great with the whole cast too).  The night of one of the shows, some of us were talking backstage about what we wanted for the future.  Some of my castmates were surprised when I said that I wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay-at-home mom.  I fight for people who have different desires than I have; I'd want them to do the same for me if my desires were not in vogue and in the minority.  I recognize that not everyone wants what I want.  But just because I seem to be the stereotypical feminine lady (who even sometimes dresses like a '50s housewife!!!) doesn't mean I can't sympathize with others.  I believe that I don't need a man to be complete, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to get married.

I say this as a reminder that I don't demand that everyone do what I want to do.  I want people to be able to decide for themselves what they want and what's right for them.

One of my least favorite Viewpoints

It has been a week since the viewpoint "A Rising Epidemic" has been published, which means it's been a week since I wanted to write in and respond.  I haven't yet because there are so many angles of this column that need to be addressed that I don't think I could cover them all.  I want to write in, but maybe I won't cover all of the angles.  

I find two main things wrong with the article: 1. The two halves are contradictory.  2. The second half is judgmental and misguided.  Here it is, with my responses to it.

  

A Rising Epidemic

by Allie McCoy

Students at BYU are incredible.  This reminds me of a toothpaste commercial where they begin with, "Your mouth is amazing," lulling you into the belief that they're going to compliment your mouth, but no—then they start in on how much bacteria and nasty stuff is in it.
Where else is “Stone Cold Sober” a badge of honor or NiCMO considered a terribly scandalous activity?  You spelled 'NCMO' wrong.  There's no 'i.'
Where else can you get thousands of students to attend not only church meetings on Sunday, but FHE Mondays, Devotional Tuesdays and Institute Thursdays.
Even for members of the Church, where else can you find a busier temple where hard-working students wait hours to perform three baptisms?
BYU, and the students who attend, are one of a kind, and that’s something to be proud of.
There are two epidemics rampant on campus that I believe deserve an extra word.
The first is perfectionism — something President Cecil O. Samuelson spoke of during Devotional Tuesday.
“Some mistakenly consider worthiness to be the same as perfection; this is not true,” Samuelson said. Good point.  Very, very true.  “All of the standard works are replete with references to the expectation of perfection and yet all seem to acknowledge that the perfecting of the saints is a process that is likely never to be absolutely complete in immortality.”
If you’re trying to do your best, then you are succeeding. Don’t get yourself down.
You must follow the commandments, you must listen to your church leaders, you must study the word of God — however, those of you who forgot to say your prayers this morning are not ruined.  What's with this list of "you must"s?  And where's the "you must be nice to people" and the "you must not judge others"?
Strive harder, do better, but do not beat yourself up for small failures.
That being said, a second epidemic plagues this school. This is the epidemic of justification.  I'm hoping that she meant to address this second half to a different audience than the first half, because what she's about to say are some of the worst things you can say to a perfectionist.
Many of you may remember a talk President Julie B. Beck gave on campus last year. The stand-out quote went something like this:
“You’re doing better than you think you are, [but] we’re not doing as well as we could.”  AAAAGHHH!  Sentiments like this make me want to pull my hair out!  Let's not focus on how we're not thinking enough of ourselves—let's lightly touch on it and then slam the focus into how we're not doing enough!
It’s true. BYU stands far above other universities when it comes to personal standards; however, at times I think we get too comfortable.  I don't think you're including yourself in this "we."
Some believe since we’re doing better than other people (I know I always have the attitude that I'm better than everyone else), it’s OK if we slip up sometimes.  Um, isn't it?  We are not expected to be flawless!  Get that through your head!!!
Since we don’t drink alcohol, it’s OK we’re consuming energy drinks by the case.  I'd rather have you consuming energy drinks and being nice to people than not and being judgmental.
Since we don’t wear sleeveless shirts, it’s OK if our skirts don’t make it quite to our knees.  Enough with the to-the-knees arguments!  Skirt length does not equal spirituality or personal worth no matter how hard you try to make it so!  What do the inches above another girl's knees have to do with you?  NOTHING!  Why does it bother you so much?  I don't get the feeling that you're doing it out of genuine concern for the spiritual climate of BYU.  And even if it were for that reason, you don't need to worry about it because it isn't your concern.
Since we don’t have full-blown beards, it’s OK if we don’t shave every morning.  What is so awful about stubble that you have to make a special point of mentioning it?  Do short hairs on a man's face really bother you that much?  If so, why??  (And see that she is conveniently not included in this.)
Since we don’t watch every rated R movie in theaters, it’s OK if we can justify it for academic reasons.  R-rated movies are not a black and white issue!  If they were, there wouldn't be so much debate about them!  Do we drink alcohol?  Definitely not.  Do we watch R-rated movies?  Well, that is a personal choice.  Might I also bring up that the R rating is only an American thing, so you're excluding every other country from this classification?  Let people use their own judgment about what they're comfortable watching.  (I do watch R-rated movies, but even if I didn't, I would defend others people's choice to do so.)
“I have been quoted as saying, ‘Do the best you can.’ But I want to emphasize that it be the very best,” President Gordon B. Hinckley said in a leadership conference.  NO NO NO NO NO!  As a perfectionist, you are killing me here.  Best is not good enough!  Do the very best! “We are too prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance. We are capable of doing so much better.”   Some people are, but not everyone is!  Some people are all of the time, but some people are only some of the time.  There is no distinction made about the audience.  There are a lot of people who actually have the problem of never being content with their performance, no matter how great.  This is not what those people (including me) need to hear.
Cougars, we are capable of being better. We are capable of leaving the justifications behind and grasping to the gospel we love.
Honor the Honor Code. Whether or not you believe in it, you signed it. Don’t forget that. 
This epidemic is not limited to students. Teachers, you’re expected to live these standards as well.  We're in college.  They're called professors.  And I know that they're not infallible, but I think it's especially self-righteous to call faculty (as well as students) to repentance.
I’ve been in classes where my teacher defends everything from swearing to viewing rated R movies.  THE HORROR!  Sweetie, it is only your opinion that we should strictly avoid rated R movies.  I hate to break it to you, but not everyone agrees that this is a black-and-white issue.
Yes, they are always justified, but they are not always right.
Please remember you stand for so much more than you think you do. Your actions are an example to someone and you can’t lead them astray.
If you find yourself justifying small mistakes, don’t worry. Repent, work harder. Whatever you do, don’t get caught in complacency.  Who are you to call us to repentance?  What authority do you have?
Just remember President Beck: You are doing better than you think, but you are capable of so much more.

One angle I would attack is how one minute she's comforting perfectionists, and the next minute she's telling them they need to do better.  True, she could be addressing different audiences, but she doesn't make that clear.  Even if she were addressing different audiences, it's not her place to call the complacent to repentance.  

The other angle: Stop picking on the way girls dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I say this, some people will be quick to remind me that we all as BYU students signed an Honor Code.  That is true.  It is a matter of personal integrity that they obey the Honor Code.  But it is none of your business if they do or not.  I am really trying to understand why it (the fact that girls' dress breaks the Honor Code) bothers people so much that they write in letters to the editor.  My main theory is that they get mad that they are obeying the rules and not getting any sort of recognition or reward for it while other people are flaunting the rules and not getting any negative consequences.  I welcome ideas about why this bothers people so much.

I waited with glee for the Tuesday after this letter for the rebuttals, but there was only one.  The first sentence of it especially was golden:  "Calls to repentance without any indication of self-inclusion or humility always fall flat."

Letter: Salt in the wound

The author of this letter to the editor, responding to a letter saying that it was inappropriate to fly the flag at half-mast for a deceased BYU student (which I don't necessarily disagree with), has a good point.  However, there's a line in it that I love!

After reading the Readers’ Forum from the author of “In mourning 9/8,” I looked up what was said and found it very interesting.
However, I also found the content disturbingly insensitive toward Vanessa’s family and friends (probably because I knew her).
It sprayed salt on their wounds as well as mine.
I’m not going to argue about whether you were right or not, because to my limited knowledge, you were right. But, you were definitely wrong in practice.
People are more important than truth (not to be confused with the name of the Savior as Truth).
If you study the scriptures enough, you will see this. Clearly, those in charge of BYU do.

Jonathan Kerby

Ooh!  Pulling out the Scriptures Card!  "Clearly, I am in the right because the scriptures agree with me. You are wrong, which means you don't read your scriptures enough."  I just find the use of this argument laughable.

Another odd thing about the letter is the clarification that he did not mean the Savior by using the word "truth."  I trust that somewhere, the Savior has been referred to as "the Truth," but I have never personally heard it.  This clarification raises an interesting question, though: If he had meant the Truth, would it really be false?  Are people not more important than the Truth?  I'm guessing he means that they are less than or equal to the Truth.  But which is it—less than or equal to?  Is there a bar under the crocodile or not?  Is the whole (the Savior) greater than the sum of its parts (the people He saved)?  I guess if I read my scriptures enough, I'd know the answer!

Lo! Read this!

I just found out about a press release from the church from four years ago.  I feel quite enthusiastic about this press release because of its implications.  You can read it here.

Two highlights for me:

• "Not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine."
• "...the Church does not preclude future additions or changes to its teachings or practices."

In regards to the first one, I think of the religion classes I've been in where the professors use Power Point presentations that have quotes from a general authority along with a picture of him (I'm not saying "them" because it's not a question of it being either "him" or "her").  How many of those quotes are taken out of context and/or aren't really doctrine?

The second one can definitely be applied to women and the priesthood.  The press release goes onto quote the ninth article of faith:

"We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God."

  This, I think, is one of the main scriptural passages that backs up the idea that women could be ordained to the priesthood, along with many other changes that could take place.

Why don't we talk about this press release more often?  Probably because it opens up a can of worms: "Well yeah, so-and-so said that, but is that really doctrine??"  It leads you to question everything (which, I think, isn't bad.  In fact, I think it's good).

Women and the Priesthood, part 2

An addendum to the last post:

Why do I think women should have the Priesthood?  It's not just about equality, although that is an issue.  A woman can't be the president of the church, and words uttered by her in General Conference aren't quoted like those of the apostles and other authorities. 

More important to me is the issue of opportunity: I think a woman should have the opportunity to give her friend, child, husband, or mission companion a blessing.  I think that if she brought a friend to the church, that she should be able to baptize him or her.  I've had someone ask me why I would want the Priesthood anyway (!); the answer is that I also want the ability to serve in this capacity.  I want to help people!  I want to be able to comfort them with blessings or bless and pass the sacrament to them or baptize them!  I'd like to seal people to their families.  But as of now, I can't.  It's a righteous desire I have, not an obnoxious give-me-power thing.

Women and the Priesthood

Ooh!  Controversial topic!  This post is only coincidentally being written on Father's Day.  What bothers me about the subject of women and the Priesthood most of all is not the fact that women at this time don't have it; I do believe that they should have it and that they some day will have it.  What bothers me most is actually the attitude of people I've encountered toward the very idea that women could some day have the Priesthood.

All I've encountered are knee-jerk reactions to the supposition that women could one day receive the Priesthood, and those reactions are that it will never happen, how could we think that, that would be preposterous, that wouldn't make any sense.  People (sorry, but I've mainly seen men) don't even take the time to even consider the possibility.  Use your imagination, please!  It's good to imagine alternate options and realities, I think; think of "what if?" even if it sounds ridiculous.  What if pigs instead of cats were common house pets?  What if lizards could fly?  What if popcorn were poisonous?  How would these situations change how we live?  It seems that to some people, questioning what if lizards could fly sounds just as ridiculous and pointless as asking what if women had the Priesthood.

I think questioning this is so scary to people is because it would shatter the explanations/rationalizations/illusions that people have created to explain the situation and would force you to admit that instead of the truth, they are merely explanations/rationalizations/illusions.  I will readily admit that I could be wrong and that only men will forever have the Priesthood in the church; but none of the reasons people use for why that could be are official doctrine—they are merely explanations created without any authority.  Some of these explanations include that motherhood is equal to the Priesthood (when, logically [and yes, you could attack my use of logic and quote Isaiah 55:8 and say that logic is myopic compared with God's view], wouldn't it be equal to fatherhood?  Also, any fertile woman can have children, but being ordained to the Priesthood requires worthiness.)  I will say now that I do think motherhood is divine and that honestly, given the choice, I'd rather be a mother than have the Priesthood. 

Here is an example from a website I am fond of, the 100 Hour Board.  Someone asked if the writers thought that there could ever be a female apostle, which, to me, is also implying the question of do they think that women could one day have the priesthood?  Three writers and one commenter answered, and only one of them was female.  One male writer did admit that if revelation came, that women could theoretically receive the Priesthood; but then it seems he was quick to dismiss that that would ever happen.  The commenter, I have found out, is one of the managing directors of Newsnet, which is apparently over the 100 Hour Board.  I find it worrisome that there was only one female voice in this matter (and that she was the only one who believed in the same thing I do), and that an older man felt the need to add a comment to refute her belief.  I don't think you can prove through logic or reasoning indefinitely whether or not it will happen, because we have an open canon.  But why all the explanations against it then if it can't be proven?

This post is probably to be continued because there is so much to write about; I feel like everything I write has so many counter arguments that it's like trying to kill off a hydra.

Sarcasm will make me friends!

The letters in the opinion section of the Daily Universe can make me so mad.  Why do I keep reading them?  Not reading them doesn't make the people who write them go away.

I just browsed the opinion section on the Universe website, and some of the letters included there are saying that:

• People around campus should smile more
• People shouldn't leave before the closing hymn and prayer during the Priesthood conference session
• Let's not pick on the way girls dress; instead, let's pick on the guys!!
• People should abstain from facebook and texting as a fast
•  People should walk in the crosswalks
• The people in the author's ward should stop hassling him to come to FHE

I understand that these could be considered valid concerns or ideas; a main problem I find with them though is that they carry the attitude that "if I think this is a good idea, then everyone should think it's a good idea."  Do you think it would help you to take a break from facebook?  Great, do that, and I hope it does help, but you don't need to tell other people that they should do it too.  You want people to smile more?  Stop picking on them and pointing out what they're doing wrong.  Maybe someone isn't smiling because s/he isn't happy; why don't you work on thinking of the why part of why people don't smile?  I hate the letters to the editor about the way girls dress, but I hate the ones from girls about guys almost as much; it's not right to criticize someone for something and then turn around and do a similar thing to them.  The ones from the guys are demeaning to girls, but the ones from girls make us girls look bad too.

The one about Priesthood session had a good reason for not leaving the session early: the noise bothers people still in attendance.  But you can still leave early and not make noise.  This letter has a self-righteous attitude and includes things like this:

Maybe it’s the traffic (waiting 2-3 minutes to get out of a church parking lot is brutal, I know), maybe by some amazing coincidence all of those brethren had to be at work right after the session. Whatever the reason, it’s disrespectful to the brethren sitting around you, the leaders you just heard from, and the choir that prepared a closing hymn to seal the spirit of the meeting.

Shame on you for disrespecting leaders!  Sarcasm will make me friends!

As for the FHE letter, the DU opinion section is not the proper forum.  The author should just talk to his FHE group leaders about it instead of letting them read it in the paper.

Yes, here I am saying what people should do.  But at least I'm not writing into the paper about it.

Implications

Often it's not the exact utterance that someone speaks in church that is problematic—it's what it implies.  Thinking and pondering are good, encouraged qualities.  If you ponder something, you will naturally extrapolate and think of the different sides; then you will see the implications.  If we want people thinking (which we should want), we have the be prepared for them to poke holes in arguments when they see the implications of said arguments.

I understand that people usually don't mean what they're implying.  But the problem is that they don't say otherwise. 

Let's talk examples, because I like concrete evidence.  The teacher of a temple prep class, a member of the bishopric, was talking about the Law of Chastity (my favorite subject!!!!).  He admitted that he thought that his wife was beautiful, but "beauty is from the shoulders up."  He also said some things that were obviously outlandish and false (i.e. they completely contradicted well-known scriptures) which I won't mention here (right now), because they, not just their implications, were just plain wrong.

I talked to him after class about it, and I mentioned how what's taught about the LoC seems to teach people to hate their bodies.  He angrily objected, "I never told you to hate your bodies!"  I know that.  He didn't say those exact words or anything like them.  But everything he did say backs up that conclusion.  

What I'm advocating is acknowledging the other side.  You may say, "There's nothing wrong with wearing blue."  But unless you mention that there's nothing wrong with wearing any other color, someone might think that you're implying that.  If you say that it's dangerous to be prideful, mention that it's also not good to be down on yourself.  Be more complete with explanations, please.

follow the...follow God.

In the movie Harold and Maude, there are three short scenes together where three male authority figures in turn advise Harold.  They each are sitting at a desk; they each say two to three sentences, then the scene changes to the next one.  One humorous touch is that there is a framed picture on the wall behind each of them: behind the psychiatrist is a picture of Freud, behind the army officer is a picture of Nixon (the movie is from 1971), and behind the priest is a picture of the pope.  When I first noticed these little touches, I was guessing what would be behind the priest: God?  Jesus?  But no!  The pope!  And then I thought, Shouldn't the priest be saying what God would say?  And then I realized that to Catholics, what the pope says and what God says are the same.  And so it is with our church and the prophet.

We are physically separated from God, and the Church teaches that certain things that God says must go through His representatives here.  But it bothers me a bit that frequently people have pictures of the First Presidency on their walls; and yes, many times they'll have Jesus too.  But the reason it bothers me is that it's a degree of separation from God.  We don't worship Thomas S. Monson; we worship Christ and our Father in Heaven.  Having pictures of the apostles are of course are of course more feasible because they're photographs, whereas any depiction of God would have an unknowable accuracy.

I suppose since people picture God in different ways, and each one's own way helps him or her, I wouldn't want there to be one standard version of God.  I think people should seek out (non-LDS!) art that portrays God and Christ in a way meaningful to them.  I, for example, don't like picturing God as the bearded identical twin of Jesus that's in the popular First Vision painting.  I'd prefer to think of repentance in a way other than Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane (I have a problem with guilt, and although the message is that He suffered for me, in my head it always turns out to be He suffered for me).  There was a gallery at the conference center of artwork submitted for a contest from the Ensign, I think.  One was titled "Repentance" and was a non-realistic lady smiling and looking heavenward, from where red rose petals were falling.  I like that a lot better, especially because it is more open to interpretation and can be symbolic in different ways to different people.